back at work :(

I am back at work now - day three. It seems like 4 months just flew by. My emotional state is ok during the day, but when I get home I get super sad. It really sucks that if I'm lucky I get 3 hours a day with him, and much of that time is spend by him nursing. I am trying to arrange leaving work 30 minutes early so I can leave at 6, which will help us stick to getting him to bed at 8pm.

I am pumping during the day and that REALLY stinks. I'm just not getting much out of the pump. Day 2 was better than day 1, ie: more milk, but it's still not enough....plus I need to pump 4 times a day, 5 would be awesome - and for a 20 minute session each time + set up, it's nearly 2 hours out of my day. I feel guilty about that - which I need to get over. It's just a lot of time when I am trying to catch up on work and get up to speed. I really hope I get more mik soon. I bought fenugreek drops and mother's milk tea, so hopefully I will see a result from that. Thing is, I only have 2 letdowns during a 20 minute session...and my son normally breastfeeds for an hour! I feel like I might need to call a lactation consultant to try to gt him to eat more efficiently before I will pump more efficiently, but who knows. Either way, I'm trying not to stress about it since that would cause me to make even less milk! Any tips?

clothing

Angus has an unbelievable amount of clothing. His paternal grandmother is a shopping addict, and every time we see her, he gets 4 or 5 new outfits! Most are cute but some are not so cute. We usually manage to tell her when something isn't to our liking and she returns it - but I feel a little guilty so I let my husband do it. I will have to get over that. I think she has a closet full of clothes for him that she spreads out each time we go. He's a lucky little guy. If only Babywit had a store in Long Island that she could shop at!

Speaking of clothing, I need more. My body is a mess from being pregnant and I didn't buy any new clothes last year really, other than some maternity ones so I am severely lacking. I ordered some nice stuff from Old Navy, Gap and Banana Republic, but my favorite items come from Boden. Their stuff is lovely! Hopefully I will manage to look half decent when I go back to work next week. Hopefully I will be able to get away during the day to run to get some pants, as I am severly lacking in those. I don't know how I'm going to fix my body though. My balance is off and I have weight to lose...especially around my gut. That was the case even before I got pregnant, and much more so now. I'm actually not that far off from my pre-pregnancy weight, and hopefully when I get back to work and closer to things like salads, it will help. I think I would have a much better summer if I was happy about how my body looked. Bikini here I come - NOT!!!

back to work soon

I go back to work soon...after Memorial Day. I'm pretty bummed about it, but there is no avoiding it. I already scored an extra month off, so I feel lucky that I've had 4 months. Although in Canada, they get a year. In fact in many other countries they get a ton more time. Our system is son antiquated. Oh well. I have been pumping to try to get a stockpile of milk in the freezer, and every couple of days I can freeze some. Only every couple of days because I keep using it! Whenever I go out with him for an extended period of time, I bring along milk "just to be safe", and he usually wants it. I feel like I might need to check in with a lactaction consultant soon. He still takes about an hour to eat, and it seems like he wants to eat every 2 hours or so....sometimes 3, and I'm talking about the beginning of one feeding to the beginning of the next, so sometimes that's only an hour in between. Hmmm. I hope I'm not having a milk issue. I don't think I am since when I pump early am, I can often get 3-4 oz from the one breast that he didn't feed on. I wish it was more though. I'm a little nervous about what will happen when I am back at work and I hope I can get enough with pumping. I'd like to ideally pump what he needs the next day if not more. I am going to do my best to enjoy the next 9 days since I can't imagine how sad I'm going to be when it's over. I know I have his whole lifetime ahead of me, but he's just so tiny!

Angus is now 3 months old...well, 3.5 months actually, and damn....this kid grows like a weed! I swear his head got bigger overnight, and it literally did. There's a spot behind his ears where I can see that skin has stretched and old skin has peeled to make room for growing skin underneath. So crazy. In the last couple of weeks he has discovered his new favorite toy (his feet) and he is figuring out his laugh a little more. He's been laughing for a few weeks, but it's getting easier to make him do it, and he has less occurrences of the hiccups, which would always happen after a good chuckle. He seems to be eating less - well, more time in-between feedings, and he's only pooping once or twice a day now. He also slept for 10 hours straight last night! I am a lucky gal. It's Mother's Day today and my wish was that my husband take care of his usual 2nd wakeup - the one around 6am, but this morning he slept right through his first wakeup usually around 4am and went straight through to 6:30 or so! Johnny took care of that one, and I got up to pump anyway, and went back to bed for a couple of luxurious hours.

I go back to work in a couple of weeks and I am working hard on being ok with it. I think it will be hard for the first few weeks and get easier after a while, but then I bet it will be harder again. If he was 2 it would be ok, because then he would be in daycare and I would feel better about his days without me. In the meantime I have a few lovely ladies that will look after him when Johnny is at work and ideally it will all be hunky-dory. For now though, I will enjoy these last couple of weeks of quality time with my adorable little man.

water + poop

I can't seem to get enough water. I am consistently constipated (TMI, sorry) no matter how much water I drink. I realized the other day, that I have hardly been eating any fruit either. Right after Angus was born I was eating a lot of berries, but in the last month I maybe ate a few bananas and that's it. Whoops. Hopefully if I add a ton of fruit back into my diet, and continue drinking as much water as possible this problem will soon be alleviated. Angus is taking all my water from me and I guess I'm not replacing it or getting enough fiber.

Speaking of poop, his was green 4/5 times for about 10 days. It ranged in tones, sometimes dark green, and sometimes bright green like pesto. A few times it even had some streaks of blood in it...VERY scary. Very odd. Doctors said not to worry about either thing (well, to call them if the blood was consistent), but I did my own research and found that the blood may be caused by a lactose intolerance. So, I cut out dairy...bummer...actually it hasn't been too bad at all. I really like almond milk, and surely not eating cheese will help me lose weight! The good news is that his poop is now normal! Coincidence? I think not. I will be sure to mention this at our next appointment!

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