time flies!

Time is flying by SO fast. The days fly by, and the weekends do the same. I am finding it hard to find time to blog, let alone do things like pay my bills or put stuff away! I get up with Angus at 5:30 or 6:30, and he eats and we snuggle until 8am, and then he's in the care of a babysitter or my husband while I get ready for work and then leave at 8:45. It's hard to leave him, especially since I don't get home until close to 7, and that's with leaving work 30 minutes early! I don't want to think about it too much or it will make me cry. When I get home, he gets his pj's on and I start feeding him. Halfway through his feeding he gets burped and swaddled, and then eat some more and is put to be usually around 8pm. I get about 2 hours in the morning and about 1.5 hours at night. 3.5 hours a day, 17.5 hours a week. That is awful when you think about it. Why should a babysitter get to spend more time than me with my son? Now I'm thinking about it too much. Oops. I really hope that some day I can be a stay-at-home mom, but in the meantime I need my job, and I need my health insurance, so I don't have the option of staying home. If the economy was better maybe I would have quit and then found another job down the line, but it's just not possible these days. It's hard every day, but I am getting used to it. I don't know if it will ever get "better", but as he gets older I think he'll be a little less needy and easier for sitters to deal with. Right now he needs 100% full-time attention, and I worry that a babysitter will get bored and frustrated and he will just cry and be upset and whoops...there goes my brain thinking the worst. He's 4.5 months old now and just so damn cute. I want the people that look after him to be the best that they can be and I really hope that's what they are being!

Angus is now 3 months old...well, 3.5 months actually, and damn....this kid grows like a weed! I swear his head got bigger overnight, and it literally did. There's a spot behind his ears where I can see that skin has stretched and old skin has peeled to make room for growing skin underneath. So crazy. In the last couple of weeks he has discovered his new favorite toy (his feet) and he is figuring out his laugh a little more. He's been laughing for a few weeks, but it's getting easier to make him do it, and he has less occurrences of the hiccups, which would always happen after a good chuckle. He seems to be eating less - well, more time in-between feedings, and he's only pooping once or twice a day now. He also slept for 10 hours straight last night! I am a lucky gal. It's Mother's Day today and my wish was that my husband take care of his usual 2nd wakeup - the one around 6am, but this morning he slept right through his first wakeup usually around 4am and went straight through to 6:30 or so! Johnny took care of that one, and I got up to pump anyway, and went back to bed for a couple of luxurious hours.

I go back to work in a couple of weeks and I am working hard on being ok with it. I think it will be hard for the first few weeks and get easier after a while, but then I bet it will be harder again. If he was 2 it would be ok, because then he would be in daycare and I would feel better about his days without me. In the meantime I have a few lovely ladies that will look after him when Johnny is at work and ideally it will all be hunky-dory. For now though, I will enjoy these last couple of weeks of quality time with my adorable little man.

present day...

A lot has happened in 6, nearly 7 weeks. Not really in the grand scheme of things I suppose - but Angus is much more like a baby and much less like a newborn. He weighs about 10 pounds now, his eyebrows and eyelashes have grown, he smiles, he enjoys his play mat, he follows things he wants to look at, he has more hang time, he loves taking baths, he has a bedtime...etc, etc.

It's been truly amazing watching all this stuff happen, and the little changes in his personality and day to day life and habits. He really is how own little person, quirks and all.

He will be 2 months old in a couple of days and time has really flown. I am fully recovered from my c-section and I feel good. We're going to Canada soon to see my folks, so that will be interesting...baby's first airplane ride! Soon after we return from that, I will have to go back to work, which is MOST unfortunate. I am dreading it and wondering how I will make it work with the breastfeeding/pumping etc. I don't want to stress out about it too much yet but I can't help it. I really dread the thought of someone else looking after him...he needs SO much attention right now, he hardly naps and I can't imagine anyone but a mother doing this all day for him. I'm working on finding some appropriate caretakers for him, but I am procrastinating a bit because the last thing on earth I want to do is leave him. Tears come to my eyes when I think about it :(