whoops!

Oh man. Where have I been? My last post was 10/18 - over 3 months ago! It's been a little busy to say the least. I work in the music business and one of my bands debuted with a #1 record last week, so I'll blame that. Angus is 1 year old now! As of just a few days ago, and his birthday party is tomorrow. He is eating whatever we give him - not really jarred stuff anymore, but mostly whatever we eat, along with extra veggies and whatnot. He is WALKING! Just in the last few days his few steps turned into full walking, and he is using that a little more than crawling. In otherwords, time has gone by SO fast. I've been a bad blogger. I plan on writing blogs on my phone and sending it to post via email. I think that is easier to do during my travels, than finding time to sit in front of the computer and get something up. Evenings are spent putting Angus to sleep, answering work emails, eating dinner and going to bed. If i'm lucky, a little TV. Weekends are all Angus all the time - except now, as he is napping. Oh, and I am still breastfeeding! I only pump 2X a day at work and not at all at home. He is drinking about 5-6oz per day when I am at work. He sleeps from about 8pm-4:30am, then has some milk and sleeps until ideally 7 or so. Not bad, huh? Things have progressed nicely albeit with a few hiccups along the way, especially in the sleep department. OK. Hopefully I will be able to post more often!

SLEEP Part Two

So...sleep training week. We started on a Tuesday - kinda...it was "lite" sleep training. My goal was to fix the problem of Angus being put to bed whilst deeply asleep. He never learnt to go to sleep! So...I merely fed him until he was almost asleep, and then brought him his crib, making sure he was aware and that his eyes were open. He fussed the first couple of nights a little, but that was the start of the training. He still woke up, but not as often, but I did pick him up and bring him back to our bed when he woke up around 2am or so. On Thursday we had a doctor's appt for him, and his pediatrician's office is known for being big advocates of sleep training. Normally I don't think this is a doctor's place, but given that we were trying to figure it out, I gladly listened to their advice.

The advice, was pretty much what we already had read/researched ourselves - 1) no swaddle, just pj's 2) put him down awake but drowsy 3) if he cries, allow him to cry for 5 minutes, then go in for 1-2 minutes max and talk to him, and soothe him, but do NOT pick him up 4) if he's still crying, wait 10 minutes beore returning 5) if he STILL cries, wait another 15 before going in 6) cap it off at 15 minutes, so keep letting him cry in blocks of 15 minutes max.

The first official night of this, probably at the 25 minute mark, he went to sleep. He then woke up at 3am and 5am and we repeated the above process. Around 6 I allowed him to be up. The next night was easier all around. It hardly took him any time to fall asleep, and he only woke up at 5 and then went back to sleep. It's been pretty smooth since then! He went to be tonight quite awake, and he just hung out and fiddled around in his crib for 5-10 minutes and then lay on his side and went to sleep. Last night same thing...no tears at all, and he slept until about 5, when he woke up probably 3X for about 2 minutes each time and put himself back to sleep. I picked him up at 6:30. Magic I tell you! I was SO surprised that this was so easy, and that it wasn't complete torture. He thankfully didn't cry for very long at any point, so it could have been a lot worse. It's also working for naps too! I have noticed that he's a happier baby - less cranky and fussy - not that he was much of either of those things at all, but I am VERY thankful that we did this when we did. I was turning into a zombie! YAY ANGUS!!!

SLEEP Part One

So...I've written here previously that Angus stopped his marathon sleeping sessions a couple of months back. He went from sleeping 10 hours straight, to waking up once, to waking up numerous times. Initially I would just feed him and put him back in his crib. Then I would just bring him to bed with me and let him nurse all he wanted. I would sleep on my side, he would sleep facing me with constant access to the boob. I guess it would be like sleeping on a buffet table! Needless to say, we weren't progressing well. I loved him sleeping next to me all snuggled up and cosy. My husband however, retreated to the couch at the height of this.

We also suffered from a few other problems. #1 - I did what I dubbed "boob to sleep" ie: I would breastfeed him to complete deep sleep and then transfer him to his crib. He would get 30 minutes on one boob, then a burp and a swaddle and singing of twinkle twinkle, then switch to the other boob until he pulled himself off and was in a deep slumber. This was a big problem since he never learned to put himself to sleep. The other issue I believe, is that we were still swaddling him - so it was hard for him to self-soothe using his hands should he so desire. And of course at this point, he should know how to do all those things, plus he no longer requires a nighttime feeding.

So - for some reason this week became sleep-training week!

To be continued....

executive decision

For the past few months, I have been setting an alarm and getting up to pump in he middle of the night. This was not a problem when Angus was sleeping 10 hours straight, as I would go to bed at 10, wake up around 1 or 2 to pump and go back to bed and still get 3 hours of sleep. Unfortunately for about a month + he has been waking up anywhere between 1 and 4. Most days it seems that I get up to pump, and he either wakes up while I'm still pumping, or a short time after I go back to bed. I'm exhausted. It's really catching up with me. I have made an executive decision to not set an alarm to do this while he's not sleeping through the night. I will probably start again once he starts sleeping better, but right now it's not worth the sleep loss. So... I'm going to stop torturing myself!

so insane

WOW. I haven't posted in ages. Does adding my twitter stuff count? Well, it's been a bit nutty. We had a little New Jersey shore beach vacation, and my mom has been in town. Hopefully things will start to improve! Oh yeah, and Angus is still waking up every night (knock on wood as I say this - it's 3am, I am pumping and he is still asleep!). I've been very tired and it's been hard to focus on life, let alone blogging!

Anyway - let me try to catch you up.

Angus: I don't know if it's a growth spurt (he'll be 6 months very soon), or if it's his teeth (has bottom 2, maybe more are coming?) , or if he's just hungry (he is very distracted during his feedings). Whatever it is, I hope it stops! Last night I put him down and he woke up within that hour and then again within the next hour, then at 2am and then I gave up and brought him to bed with me and just let him nurse. I don't mind the "co-sleeping" but sometimes I get scared and worry that he's going to get smothered or something. I try to remain mostly awake and aware of where he is and position any sheets or blankets away from him, but there's always that part of me that worries - but I guess that's good. I am being careful!

Beach: The New Jersey shore is no place for a baby. Actually it was fine...maybe it's no place for a husband! Actually Angus is just way to little for the beach. He needs to be held all the time since we didn't really have anywhere for him to sit and it was windy, so any flat surfaces were very sandy, and I just didn't want to deal with that. (SIDE NOTE - HE'S WAKING UP! I HEAR CRYING!!! OH CRAP). I have to end this here!

so many changes, mostly good.

Angus has realy changed so much in the last few weeks. To start, his tooth has a brother! He now has his bottom two teeth! He also really loves being on his tummy and trying to crawl - scooting I think they call it. He can mostly hold his own bottle. He has a crazy squack that he has figured out how to do. He has new things that make him giggle. He's almost 6 months old!

The one change I don't like, is that for a week now he's been waking up at 2 or 3am. Nothing manages to console him other than my boob. I don't know if he's teething again and waking because he's uncomfortable. I don't know if he's just having a growth spurt. I don't know if he's hungry and ready for solid food. I just don't know! What I do know, is that I'm tired. We got so spoiled with many months of him sleeping 8-10 hours straight. I even felt bad when people said "oh you must be so exhausted" because I wasn't! About a month ago I decided that I really needed to get up in the middle of the night to pump. It was crucial to my supply. I've been trying to do this for the past week, but his waking up has really screwed that up. So now, it's 3:15...he got up around 1:45, and I just got him back down, and now I'm pumping the breast he didn't eat from. Thank god it's the weekend, but still - I really hopw this is just a phase that will end soon!

efficiency

I've been doing a TON of research on pumping and Angus's eating. Thing is, the kid normally takes about an hour to eat. I think that's too long - I mean some babies take that long, and I don't really mind, but I think if he becomes a more efficient eater, I will become a more efficient pumper. What I am now doing, is going back to the method of switching sides. I stopped doing that a while ago when I thought he was having a foremilk/hindmilk imbalance (which he wasn't) and kept doing that. Now I am switching and it's helped a bit. It's only been a couple of days, but I think he's down to 40/45 minutes. I think it's helping me make more milk too. It makes sense, right? I had a day or 2 of soreness, so something is working! I've also learned that I need to do breast impressions, which had indeed helped. I've also been taking fenugreek, but I've now switched to something called more milk plus. Yuck. It tastes like medicine. Either way, I have noticed an improvement aready. I'm still now where I'd like to be in terms of output, but 2 letdowns is actually a good thing! I'm also setting an alarm and getting up to pump, which is what I am doing now at 3am - yikes! Sadly this is really affecting my mornings. I am feeling SO much more tired. I hope my body gets used to it. I'm fine when I get to work, but when Angus wakes up at 5:30 or 6:30 I feel like quite a zombie! Here's to adjusting!

the cat......

I love my cat, I really do. Slash is the best, most snuggly and lovable thing ever. About a month before Angus was born, we lost Slash's brother to a whole bunch of illnesses we didn't even know he had. After that Slash seemed ok, save for a few days of looking around. Now he's taken to meowing very loudly at inopportune moments, like as soon as I put Angus down for example. At first we realized he was meowing and wide awake around 5/6 am, as that was when the sun came up and he and his brother would play. No when he does it, sadly there is no one to play with. He then comes in our room and stands near the crib and howls. It's very annoying and wakes me up, and wakes my husband up but only woke Angus up once from a daytime nap he may have been waking up from anyway. We're not sure what to do about this and our normal "stop it" noises don't work. We're trying to give him extra love and attention, but that doesn't work. He does sleep all day. which leads to much of his night restlessness I'm sure, so am I to try to wake him up from naps during the day? He's a cat! He'll go right back to sleep! We can't not let him in the room either, because then he would howl and scratch at the door, which would be even louder. Anyway - We love him, but MAN....he's walking a thin line! Poor guy.

the first couple of weeks

I need to try to catch up to present day, but I feel like I have some holes to fill here! So.....I will talk about the first couple of weeks. They were pretty hard, and starting to become blurry. This must be one of the benefits of having a child...making you forget the difficult parts so you want to have more!

I was so bloated and my feet were giant when I got home. I also had stretch marks! None of those things happened while I was pregnant. The bloating and swelling was from the fluids they pumped into me, and I went down fast. After just a few days I had lost much of the water and thankfully the water weight! The c-section didn't make life very easy. I had a hard time getting up and my husband had to get everything for me. It was slow going for me. Thankfully my parents came to visit and they were a great help. Every day I felt a little bit better and became a little more mobile though. I tried to get outside for walks, but the weather didn't cooperate much and we had most of our coldest days right when I got home and needed to be outside!

I definitely didn't realize how time consuming a lot of things would be. Someone told me "newborns sleep a lot" and they failed to also use the phrase "some newborns"...MY newborn never sleeps! Well, he sleeps now, but initially he didn't sleep at all. Not even in the hospital after he was born. He was too worried about getting food to be concerned with sleep. Once we got home, he barely slept...I mean a few hours here and there, and gradually it got better, but anytime we got him to be asleep after a feeding, he would wake up as soon as we transferred him to his bassinet. I *think* he slept better at night, and for the first 2 weeks we were home so did I. Since we were supplementing with formula, my husband could get up and do one of the feedings and I could stay asleep - luxury!

Although that was nice, I had a LOT of anxiety about formula. I am a big breastfeeding advocate, and it broke my heart to have to give him formula..at least we used the organic stuff. The supplementing started in the hospital because he got a fever due to dehydration, so we had to keep doing it for a while, and then wean him off. That stuff is like baby crack. After he had the formula he would sleep SO deeply. I guess because it's higher in fat than breastmilk, so it takes less time to go through him, whereas especially in the early days of milk, I was producing skim and it went through him FAST. Anyway - I was very worried about how we would wean him off, and we started to just give him less and less, but then one day we just gave him none. It had been long enough that my milk was satisfying him more and he didn't seem to miss it or really notice.

Angus liked to eat ALL the time...I literally mean 18-20 out of the 24 hours in a day this kid would be on the boob as I like to say. It was VERY draining and I think I assumed he would eat, we would put him down and then he would sleep for a few hours. No dice. He would eat, sleep for a short time, wake up, eat, poop, etc. And in the middle of this he would be swaddled and unswaddled numerous times. Inevitably, once he was perfectly swaddled, he would take a giant poop and we would have to do that again. It was tricky...but it got and continues to get much better.

I got a good breastfeeding book, and it said that after about 40 days, things improve and you and your child figure each other out. That timeline was spot on. I've got many of his habits figured out and those first few weeks were nutty and sleep deprived and stressful....on top of my hormones working themselves out - many tears were shed - tears of joy and tears of stress. I haven't cried in a couple of weeks now though and it's been 7 weeks!

a perfectly timed break

I feel VERY lucky that the company I work for allows us all the time off between Christmas and New Year's. It's been great in the past to travel home (see last post) but this time it's great because I can get some rest and go to movies and to dinner and take a lot of naps. I am starting to feel this weight that I am carrying around, and it's heavy - so it's a real treat to be able to be home and take naps and rest and do what I want! I can't believe this baby is going to come out soon. Still so surreal! I am starting to realize why people say things like "I can't wait to get this baby out of me" etc....I always felt like that is a mean thing to say and kind of harsh, and I still don't think I will ever say it, but I am slowly realizing why it's said. And I realize it at night when every night is more uncomfortable than the last, to the point that I have recently said that I hate sleeping. Naps are ok, but trying to be comfortable for 8+hours is impossible and kind of torturous! I can't wait to sleep on my back again. And I can't wait to meet the baby, but I still enjoy knowing that it's safe inside of me!

sleep?

Every night it gets harder and harder to sleep, and that's kind of my only complaint! About 2 weeks ago it started getting uncomfortable. I just keep waking up many times, and when I wake up, I am wide awake - which makes it harder to get back to sleep. My back also gets a little sore and so does most of my body. I sleep with a tempurpedic pillow, which rules, and I have a pillow between my knees. I tried a pillow throne which was recommended by a friend, but I think I'm just so used to being on my side, that I'm paranoid about being on my back in any way - even propped up. Usually when I wake up, I try to drink water, since I know I always need it - BUT I stopped doing that since guess what - it makes me pee! So, not drinking water at night is helping a bit and allowing me to wake up less, but I think this is just the way it's going to be for the next few weeks! I don't mind so much since I only have 2.5 days left of work before our xmas break, and that means lots of naps. I don't seem to have a comfort problem when I nap for some reason!

comfort level

My comfort level is going down, but really only at nighttime. I'm SO bored of sleeping on my side. I try to sleep on my left side, which they say is best, but I like my right side better. I've been sleeping with a pillow folded in half between my knees, but in the last week or so I will wake up and feel really uncomfortable - almost pain, but maybe not - in my hips. More like achy I guess. It's kind of hard to describe. Last night I put the pillow, unfolded between my calves and that was a little better, but I am not sure what to do to alleviate this feeling. I bought a snoogle a while back and I don't use it that often, but I might have to give it another try, or just get all the pillows in the house and experiment. I don't want to take up too much space though! My husband needs to sleep in there too! Otherwise, my daytime comfort level is ok. I wish I was still taking yoga though. I had NO aches or pains when I was doing that, so I might try one of my dvds or maybe will try to go to the class in my neighborhood this weekend. So, in short - things are ok. I'm getting WAY bigger too, and now getting kicked in the ribs! Doctor tomorrow! 

cold and hot

Sorry for the lack of posting this week. I've been dragging a bit. My little brother is in town and I spent some time hanging out with him, and now I seem to have a cold. I am on day 2 of stuffiness, a mild sore throat, a little cought and extra tiredness. Yuck. I'm drinking an Odwalla "C Monster" and hopefully between all the fruit I plan on eating, and my continual water drinking, I can flush it out or something. TGIF too. I can sleep in this weekend and get some R&R! Oh, and the "hot" in the title? I think I am starting to be a lot hotter than everyone around me, but it's hard to tell as here in NYC it's been warmer than it should be. It's been in the mid-60's which I think is a little high for this time of year, so last night despite having all the windows in our room open I still only slept with a sheet. It was breezy too! And when I walk around outside, I am always the least bundled up person. I guess time will tell  - when it's super snowy and freezing outside and I am boiling, I will know that this is the pregnancy hots!

PS> tomorrow I will be 30 weeks = 7.5 months pregnant!

sleep & yoga

I have been SOOO SOO SOO SO tired since about Saturday. It's really bumming me out, and I'm not sure yet if it's because I'm pregnant or if it's because I'm coming down with something. Traditionally I do get sick in October, and historically it's started with mega-sleepiness for days beforehand. So....I'm actually hoping it's a cold, because it would really suck to be THIS tired for the rest of my pregnancy. I've been trying to go to bed earlier, and in fact on Sunday I slept until noon, but today I felt ok until about 5pm when I started feeling groggy. I'm going to up my fruit and see if that might help, but I really hope this is just some sort of passing "phase", but only time will tell!

Despite my exhaustion, I forced myself to go to the first of four prenatal yoga classes that I signed up for (and pre-paid for) on Tuesday night. It was a good class and I enjoyed it, and even suffered from some muscle soreness in my legs yesterday! There were about 20 people in the class, and they ranged from 9 weeks to 26 weeks pregnant, with more of them in the middle - like 15-18 weeks pregnant. I felt good in it, and I think my experience with many of the poses from Bikram yoga helped me out, but I learned to focus from Bikram and not worry too much about when people around me were doing, plus I was in the front row and there no mirrors - so I guess I could have been the worst in the class, but who knows - and who cares! It's better than sitting on the couch and watching TV, which is EXACTLY what I would have been doing!

24 weeks!!!!!

I am SO happy to be 24 weeks. I hear that at this point, if something weird were to happen (ie: premature labour), that babies born this early have a very good chance of surviving. I really hope that doesn't happen, but it's nice to know that I've entered some sort of safe time zone. In fact, I met a baby that was born 3 months early and he seems perfectly normal and happy and growing well! I am still feeling fine, but if I don't get enough sleep, I feel SO tired and zombie-like. Like last night....I got to bed much later than usual due to dinner with a friend in town, and woke up a bunch in the middle of the night, which is really nothing new, but today I am SO tired. My legs are also really sore from some walking up a few flights of stairs (went to the horse races (won $124.00!) which ended up being a lot of up and down to different viewing levels) I did on Saturday, which was no big deal, but I guess I am really out of shape! I think we're doing our maternity tour tomorrow night, and my prenatal yoga classes start next week!

how AM i feeling?

I have been feeling good. I don't feel pregnant all the time, except for some pains here and there. My boobs are getting sore again, and I have some ligament pain that comes and goes. My ability to sleep isn't good. I toss and turn a LOT. It's not comfortable to sleep on my stomach anymore since it feels like I'm sleeping on a grapefruit, and I haven't allowed myself to sleep on my back since I know I'm not supposed to - although that seems to be something I could do if I wanted to....but I know later I won't be able to, so why treat myself? I used Johnny's pillow last night and that was a nice change. Then I tried to sleep on the couch, and then I just brought a different pillow from the living room over to our room to try. I seem to be in a deep slumber right around the time that I'm supposed to be awake. At least I was in bed by 10:30, so that was good. I'm not really showing - ok - maybe a little, but I am chubby to start with, so all I feel is fat, and when I push down it feels hard underneath but there's so much fat to get through. I can't wait until I'm REALLY showing and everything, fat included hopefully - gets hard. Right now, well - especially today because I am wearing the wrong shirt - I generally feel self-conscious about my stomach area. I plan to join the Y so I can start swimming, and I plan tonight to try my prenatal yoga dvd. I've been saying that for weeks, so wish me luck. Otherwise, I do feel generally pretty good. They call this 2nd trimester the easy one, and then the third will be crappy.....I should be lucky that I can sleep at all, because god knows what will happen when I am 7 - 8 - 9 months pregnant!

emotional rescue

Last week, I was kind of a mess. It was weird. I was just in a crappy mood all week. It was totally pregnancy emotions - bigtime downers, things would just set me off on a neverending crying spree. I cried for about an hour over a bagel. There was another crying spell over a lame dinner I had to go to and it's lameness. It's weird. I sit there crying, knowing I'm crying over something ridiculous, but I just can't stop. It starts with the silly thing, and then escalades into me feeling sorry for myself for various reasons. Again, I blame the lack of sleep. SO..I think I am out of this funk, and I have no lame dinners to go to this week, in fact not many plans at all which is wonderful. I plan on relaxing, maybe FINALLY getting around to prenatal yoga, and most importantly - going to bed early!

questions questions questions!!!

Ok...not much to really report in pregnancy land - I'm still not really showing, although my hubby thinks I am (and I remind him that I am chubby and he's still looking at my gut, not a baby belly). I feel good and I am slowly getting used to 50 people a day asking me how I'm feeling...."oh yeah, i feel great". When I really want to say "remember when you asked me that yesterday?" I guess people feel like they need to acknowledge it or something and that's the most creative thing they can think of? Or maybe they really want to know! I dunno. As you can tell maybe, I have a case of the grumps today...and yesterday too. If PMS was possible these days, I would be having it - but I think I'm just super tired. I need to go to bed way earlier every night, and I haven't been and it's really catching up with me. I need to go to bed at 10:30 - not midnight or later!

PS> I'm 15 weeks, 5 days!

Pillow talk

Well friends, not too much to report! I still feel great, and I have been trying to eat healthier. I've made my daily lunch a hearty salad with spinach or romaine, and lots of beans, beets, an egg, cranberries, walnuts etc. I'm all about it. Now, just to add more exercise! I have been walking a lot, and yesterday I ordered 2 pregnancy dvd workouts, since I was honest with myself - I am not going to go to a gym. I'm just not. I truly look forward to getting them and doing them!

I've suffered from some insomnia, which has actually gotten better the last couple of nights. I got a new pillow, which I love (tempurpedic) and switched to a summer blanket. I've also been trying to go to bed earlier and read for a little while before trying to sleep.

In short - things are good! I think I've decided on the CVS test, and on Monday afternoon I go for a counseling session. I don't know what will happen there, but I suppose they will tell me about the test, it's risks and collect my family history. I will have some questions for them too, based on my research. I will ask the name of the doctor performing the test, how many he/she performs a year, and what he/she's rate of miscarriage is. I have been reading that it's the people in small towns getting CVS tests from doctors that only perform say 30-40/year that have problems. The more tests a doctor performs, the better. I hope to then get the actual test later that week or early the next week. I will have to take a sick day as apparently you feel crappy after.

OK....more soon!

Oh, and baby got to attend a Dr.John concert last night...which was the music that my mom played for me starting at age 4