feelings....

So, if you read the story of my labor and any of my previous posts about how I wanted my birth to be, you may recall that I wanted a natural childbirth. So how do I feel about the events that took place? How do I feel about what became the most unnatural birth? I don't know really. In a way I am still processing what happened. Everyone says that you can plan and hope for whatever you want, but childbirth can be like Murphy's law. Ultimately my husband is right though. In short, by signing up to have a hospital birth, you also sign yourself up for the likelihood of many interventions that "may help you progress" or "are best for the baby" and it can be hard to avoid them. Of course though, every hospital is different, every town is different and every caretaker is different.

Ultimately I am very thankful that I have a happy, healthy baby and in short that outweighs how he got here - BUT - if there is a next time, I will do it quite differently. If I am still in NYC, I would go back to St.Luke's-Roosevelt, but I would be in their birthing center under the care of a midwife. It's nice to know that if there were to be an emergency that it can be handled a mere floor away.

...or maybe I should just go to The Farm!

after the delivery....

After the delivery, I was wheeled into a recovery area where we re-met up with our doula Shana. Angus was brought in briefly, and we put him to the breast and he latched on right away - which was awesome. Unfortunately, a really bitchy intern came and told us we had to let Angus to get all his tests and everything done. We tried to get her to delay for 10-15 minutes so we could bond and he could continue to nurse, but she wasn't having it and - well - she was a TOTAL BITCH. No way to treat a new mom. Anyway, I sent Johnny with him to the nursery, and eventually I was wheeled to my room. I wasn't going to be able to get up for a couple of days...I had a catheter, IV's with pain medication and fluids, and these weird things on my calves which were like electric boots. They vibrated on and off and I guess since the medication takes a while to wear off, and during that time I can't feel anything fro the waist down, they massage me to avoid DVT.

Eventually Johnny and Angus showed up and we nursed some more and tried to sleep a bit. Things were fine, but eventually night came and Johnny had to leave, which was sad. Angus was very fussy all night (he roomed with me) and I had problems getting him to latch again. He hadn't really slept, and he was only getting colostrum and it was an all night battle. What really sucked was that he was in a bassinet next to my bed, but I couldn't physically take him out of it or out him in it because of my limited mobility, so I had to keep buzzing the nurses to do it. Also, the lady next to me had a vaginal birth and was clearly disturbed by Angus' crying and my inability to stop it - which stressed me out.

Over the next couple of days the nursing got a bit better, but he was still a little fussy and continually on the boob. My catheter and my leg machines were removed, and I was up and walking...albeit uncomfortably. Eventually Angus developed a fever, so they had to give him some formula because they assumed he was dehydrated - which he was. I felt really bad about it - but I guess it was just because my milk hadn't arrived. Looking back, I would have benefited greatly from having a lactation consultant come see me - which my husband suggested, but I didn't. The nurses all give you different opinions on breastfeeding, and there are no lactation consultants on staff. We also have conflicting blood types, which caused elevated billirubin levels (which is what causes jaundice) and that may have contributed to the fever too. The fever went down quickly after the formula was given, so after breastfeedings it was recommended that I continue to "top him off" with the formula.

So....I gave birth on a Tuesday and went home on Friday. My parents had arrived in town the night before so they were there to help, which was wonderful. We left St.Luke's Roosevelt and were left to our own devices to start our journey as parents

my birth story

Ok...finally. Here is the story of my labor as told by my husband Johnny with help from our doula Shana. The ones in italics & bold are the text messages he sent to a small list of friends and family. It's a LONG story and was a LONG labor. Enjoy!

Friday - 1/23
13:30 - normal OB GYN appointment - Sonya is 2cm dilated and 40% effaced. They send us to St Luke’s for a sonogram and some fetal monitoring. We walk through Central Park from 93rd and CPW to 58th & Amsterdam....30+ blocks! The resident on duty sends us up to Labor & Delivery to get further monitoring (for no real stated reason). We stay there for 4 hours. Sonya sees some minor contractions on the monitor and feels them a bit when we get home.

Saturday - 1/24
07:00 - I get up for work, Sonya is definitely feeling some contractions. I go into the job expecting to be called away by mid afternoon. The call never comes. I get home around 3PM. We finish off the day pretty normally. Sonya gets some napping in, and we go to bed kind of early.

Sunday - 1/25
00:00 - Sonya wakes up to full-on contractions. They start about 7 min apart, and fluctuate between 5 and 8.
00:45 - Sonya goes to the bathroom and has a bit of bloody show and notices mucus discharge is increasing.
01:00 - Contractions start to weaken a bit.
02:00 - Contractions intensify.
04:00 - I make Sonya an omelet.
05:00 - Things slow down a bit, we go back to sleep.
10:00 - We wake up, contractions are about 10-15 min apart, they stay that way most of the day.
17:00 - We take a long walk around the neighborhood. When we got home, things kick back in heavy. Contractions are about 3-5 min apart. We ride them out at home, eat some donuts we had bought on the walk, and start trying some positions to help Sonya deal with the pain.
22:30 - We call our doula Shana to give her a heads up, and call our OB Dr. Langer to tell her things were happening, but we decide to stay home for a while.
22:30 - Sonya takes a bath for about an hour.

Monday - 1/26
01:00 - We ask Shana to come over. She helps Sonya with pain and soothe her. We slowly get gear up for the hospital.
03:00 - - Sonya’s water breaks.
05:30 - We head to the hospital.
06:00 - Sonya is admitted to St. Lukes/Roosevelt.
07:00 - Sonya is checked. She is 3cm dilated and fully effaced. We are sent to our room in Labor & Delivery - Room 26. When we get there, we ask for intermittent monitoring. This is not greeted kindly, but eventually we get our way, and Sonya is free, on her feet again, and contracting on the birthing ball.
09:00 - Sonya is checked and is 5cm dilated. She takes a bit of a rest and lies down “As long as we have her lying down we should get her on the monitor”, they say...we reluctantly allow it.
09:21 - At the hospital...got here around 6AM. She’s 5cm and totally effaced, with pretty much non-stop contractions. This girl is AMAZING.
11:00 - While I was calling my folks, Dr. Lurie (our on duty OB) had come in and explained that she felt like Sonya’s contractions were “not strong enough”. She wants to introduce a intra-utero compression monitor to more accurately measure the contractions. We don’t feel we’re being given much of a choice, and it happens quickly. Sonya lies down for a bit more, and her contractions remain frequent, but weak. Dr. Lurie wants to start Pitocin. I ask for a bit of time to work with her on her feet, which I do. We begin taking contractions standing and on the birthing ball, and her contractions intensify greatly, but Dr Lurie does not like being unable to monitor the fetal heart rate (our movement had rendered the external monitor unreliable). So, she shortly insists if we were going to move around, that we apply the internal heart rate monitor. We’re uncomfortable with that, and talk her out of it.
12:30 - Sonya’s mobility is severely limited with the internal compression monitor, and she is pretty much forced back into a supine position on the bed. Things stall again, and Dr. Lurie says we need to get Pitocin going. She also recommends a Foley to empty her bladder, since she can’t get up or really move around much at all. We allow the Pitocin to be introduced slowly, and it is ramped up over the next few hours.
15:30 - The baby’s heart rate is dipping with each contraction, and they insist on the internal fetal heart rate monitor. A resident inserts it and screws it in.
16:00 - The Pitocin is reintroduced. Sonya’s contractions are now spaced out more, and still fairly weak.
16:27 - Still in fucking labor. Things have not gone as we had hoped them to. One
thing is certain, though. It cannot be underestimated how overwhelmed I am by the strength, will, and selflessness of Sonya. We are all lucky to know such a
creature...seriously - holy shit.
17:15 - Sonya is checked by Dr. Lurie and has dilated to 7cm. There are also traces of light meconium in the water but not enough or dark enough to worry about. Dr. Lurie feels like a Cesarean is around the corner, but knows Sonya wants a vaginal, natural birth. Since she will have to get an epidural to have a Cesarean, she suggests getting that first and seeing if that will relax the cervix enough to open up that last bit.
18:45 - Sonya is administered an epidural.
19:15 - Sonya nods off a bit, the Pitocin is increased, and I step out to get some food.
19:19 - After 44 hours spent riding out steady contractions without a drop of medicine, fetal heart rate issues have forced SK under an epidural. If this relaxes her cervix enough to push our baby out in the next few hours, we can avoid a c-section.
22:00 - Sonya is checked again. She is still 7cm, though the baby has dropped a bit more and is engaged.
23:15 - Depending on Sonya’s position in the bed, the fetal heart rate continues to dip severely during contractions. Dr. Lurie has an amnio-infusion administered to help relieve any pressure on the cord. The Pitocin is stopped for a bit, then reintroduced once the fluid has drained into the uterus.

Tuesday - 1/27
01:00 - Sonya is checked. She is 8.5cm dilated.
03:00 - Sonya is checked. She is 9cm dilated.
05:00 - After HOURS of lying on her back with an epidural on Pitocin, Sonya is finally dilated enough to attempt a push. There is still a lip to the cervix, but Dr. Lurie feels like she can push it aside with her fingers, if Sonya can push the baby through. Sonya’s natural labor has died by this point and the contractions are being created by the Pitocin alone. This is not a sufficient force to work with her, and her attempts to push fail.
06:30 - Sonya is taken to prep and to the OR, and I scrub up.
07:00 - I joined her in the OR for the cesarian.
07:03 - Suited up, and heading into the OR for the C.
07:24 - Angus Anton North is surgically removed from his mother and introduced to the world.
08:26 - Angus Anton North came out into the world at 7:24AM. He weighs about 8
lbs, and has reddish hair.

Wednesday - 1/28
20:45 - SK is asleep and snoring for the first time since Saturday afternoon...YAY!!!

the most unrelaxing day ever...

Long story made somewhat short.....Here's the scoop on my "relaxing" Friday - aka the first day of my maternity leave. I wrote this out originally in an email to a few friends, and now I share if with you...

We had doctor and a 41 week sonogram at the hospital on Friday
I'm 2 cm dilated, 40% effaced.
We were at the hospital FOREVER....ok, 4 hours.
We went for the sonogram, which was fine - we have enough fluid and things look good. Before that I had a non-stress test, and the doctor wanted me on it for more time, so we did more time, then after the sonogram he came down and said he "wasn't happy" with it and sent me upstairs for more monitoring. It was the doctor at the hospital, not MY doctor, and he didn't give much of an explanation as to what he wasn't happy with.

We went upstairs, which is actually labor and delivery, and into big area with about 8 curtained off spaced full of women getting the same test. Some intern said things looked fine and tried to give me a vaginal exam, which i refused. I said "I just had one at 1:30" and she was fine with us skipping it. Phew! I've received some advise about interns and trying to avoid them giving you vaginal exams. I really don't need 2 in one day thank you very much. They let us go, saying things were good. Phew.

Earlier in the day, my normal doctor also wanted to strip my membranes, which I denied. Said we'd wait until next week for that! Our next visit to the doctor is on Monday, but hopefully I won't make it until then BECAUSE...on the monitor it looked like I was having somewhat regular contractions! I could barely feel them - like a mild cramp - but they continued last night, but now they are gone. Maybe Braxton-Hicks? Either way, things seem to be moving along.

We also walked from the doctor to the hospital, which was 30 blocks in Central Park! It was 44 degrees yesterday, so a lovely time....and I had hot thai food for dinner.
Fingers crossed for some action soon.

yay! maternity leave!

My maternity leave started today - yay! I am only missing one crucial thing - the baby! I am very thankful for my 3 months off though. It will be weird to adjust at first...not check work email, and not check in, but hopefully once the baby comes I won't care about any of that stuff! Today we go to the doctor AND the hospital. Doctor is a normal visit, hospital is for the 41 week sonogram so they can check the fluids, etc and make sure everything is still looking good.

Doula

After taking our classes at Real Birth, it became evident to us that our goal of achieving a natural birth might be more likely if we had an additional, experienced support person by our side during labor and delivery. AKA a DOULA. I mean in addition to the Ob/Gyn or nursing staff. I like to think of it as a hired friend actually. We're in the process of talking to a couple of them, and their prices range wildly, due to experience I think. The official D.O.N.A website has been useful too. We meet one more on Wednesday night and then will hopefully make a decision either way. I think having someone there to help relax me and use their bag of tricks to manage the pain would be smart. I like the idea of a doula too. It's a good way of thinking and our doctors seem to be ok with us using one also, which is good. They don't interact too much with the doctors - they are there to interact with us and to help us make knowledgeable decisions about our choices and care. I will keep you posted!

the hospital tour!

We went for our hospital tour the other night....interesting stuff I thought. First of all, these tours are pretty frequent, like a couple of times a week - maybe more. Even so, there were 72 or so people on the tour! All couples, of all different pregnancy ranges. Some people weren't even showing, and some people looked like they were ready to pop. A very diverse group! The super nice lady, who also is the head of education/classes took us on the tour and we started in a boardroom where she gave us handouts and explained the different options in terms of rooms - private room, birthing center (all private rooms), and normal double occupancy rooms. She was SO thorough and nice, as was the info she gave us.

We then headed upstairs to the 11th floor I think for a tour of these rooms. The normal labor and delivery rooms are all single occupancy and not bad. They even have tubs in them for laboring, just not as big as the ones in the birthing center. You do your thing in this room and then 1 hour later, they move you to whatever room you have requested (maybe). You can sign up for a private room, and if there is one available and you're next on the list, you get it - except you also have to be willing to pay $750.00 right then and there on your credit card. Those rooms were ok, still a little grungy, but nice. You get special meals, and your husband/partner can stay the night, which is not the option in the double rooms. The double rooms aren't bad - but I guess it would really depend most on who was your neighbor and how annoying they were. The tour lady told us that she is still friends, 35 years later, with the woman she shared a room with!

The birthing center was cool, it smelled good and it was peaceful and quiet. I would LOVE to be in there, but unfortunately my doctors don't deliver there anymore. Apparently they used to, but because they have to commit to be there the whole time, labour included I guess, it's not possible since they work in shifts. ie: there are four doctors in the practise and one of them is always at the hospital. The lady said they were "liberal" - so hopefully that means they won't force drugs and epidurals on me. Anyway - I am happy to give birth there and I hope it will be good and that I won't go into labour on New Year's Eve, because if that's the case I will have to take the subway - crossttown traffic on that night would be INSANE!!!!!

24 weeks!!!!!

I am SO happy to be 24 weeks. I hear that at this point, if something weird were to happen (ie: premature labour), that babies born this early have a very good chance of surviving. I really hope that doesn't happen, but it's nice to know that I've entered some sort of safe time zone. In fact, I met a baby that was born 3 months early and he seems perfectly normal and happy and growing well! I am still feeling fine, but if I don't get enough sleep, I feel SO tired and zombie-like. Like last night....I got to bed much later than usual due to dinner with a friend in town, and woke up a bunch in the middle of the night, which is really nothing new, but today I am SO tired. My legs are also really sore from some walking up a few flights of stairs (went to the horse races (won $124.00!) which ended up being a lot of up and down to different viewing levels) I did on Saturday, which was no big deal, but I guess I am really out of shape! I think we're doing our maternity tour tomorrow night, and my prenatal yoga classes start next week!

We've finally decided on a crib. It's the one in the image to the left, and it's an Amy Coe crib from Babies R Us. I really like that it has a drawer....although I can tell you that our bedding won't be pink! I am psyched to have this crossed of the list - although we still need to order and get it! We've also decided on the stroller situation but not yet the stroller itself. We're going to get a stroller frame that a car seat sits on, and then after it's born, get a proper stroller. Being that it's going to be born in the freezing cold winter of January, the visits outside will be somewhat limited initially, and we can use the frame or a carrier! Decisions are being made and it makes me feel good - a little more relaxed. Now I just need to get the ball rolling on our hospital tour and birthing center tour and birthing classes! I kind of want to take hypnobirthing too - which is not as weird as it sounds. I've only heard amazing things about it, and I HATE hospitals, and I have problems relaxing, so this sounds like exactly what I need!

kicky mckick's-a-lot

The baby is officially kicking. My husband even felt it the other night. It feels SO strange....but it's so nice to finally have my own kind of knowledge that there is a living, growing being in there! It's strange...I felt it in Chicago, then not for a couple of days, then I felt it a lot one day , and then not for another 24 hours, and today I am feeling it a lot. I read that it gets more consistent as it grows and there are even patterns to be felt after about 24 weeks! neat-o! I was on the subway yesterday and felt a massive kick that it actually made me jump! Yesterday I barely felt it at all, so that was a pleasant surprise. I've renamed it "Kicky".

On another note, we're going to have another baby store adventure this weekend. A couple of weeks ago we went to Babies-R-Us and Buy Buy Baby. This weekend we're going to go to The Stork Store, Schneiders, and Mini Jake. My goal for this month is to have a glider purchased and also a new rug for our living room...oh and to have appointments made for our hospital tour and the "intro to the birthing center" class so I can see if it's a place I want to be! I think setting goals like this is key in the coming months. I also want to decide which crib to get and which stroller/car seat to purchase too, but I don't know if I need to do those things this month. We shall see!

what a week!

Phew!!! What a week. I went to Chicago for work - no problems there, fine time, great town, and then I came back and it was labor day weekend! That meant a quick 2 night trip to Long Island to see the in-laws and my sister and brother in law and my godson, and it was a busy weekend! Thank god I had Monday off, and yesterday was my 20 week anatomy scan! YAYAYAY! That took place at the hospital I will deliver at, St.Lukes-Roosevelt in Manhattan which provided us with a great opportunity to get our bearings, as thankfully I have never been to a hospital in NYC. It seemed like a nice clean place, and I really only saw the fetal maternity ward or whatever you call it, and not the actual maternity ward. For that I need to schedule a tour (note to self: schedule tour!

Anyway - we filled out a piece of paper, waited in the waiting room (bring a magazine or book if you're going, there were NONE there), and then went into a room with a nice gal who was the ultrasound technician. I pulled my pants and undies to just below my pubic bone and off they went! It was about 25-30 minutes and she looked at pretty much all aspects of the growing baby...the head, arms, legs, feet, hands, heart, spine, you name it! She spent a lot of time on the heart, which I guess because it's important to watch it work and make sure things are working well. We told her we didn't want to know the sex, and she said "ok, I'll let you know when I get to that area and you can look away", but she didn't - or didn't tell us to look away and we were none the wiser, which makes me think it's a girl - because maybe there's nothing to see - at least nothing resembling a penis! Ha! After she was done, she gave us 3 photos and then a doctor came in and reviewed everything super fast and said everything was fine and that they would send results to my doctor. And that was that! Painless and supposedly normal! I'll call the doc on Friday to check in about the results anyway.

PS> I'm 20 weeks!

catching up!

Ok... I have a lot of catching up to do - whoops! After our return from Wildwood, my husband got a little mad that I hadn't told people at work yet. So...I hinted at it on facebook, and got some queries. Then a coworker im'd me about it and I spilled the beans to him, and word magically spread! A handful of people heard right away, and more throughout the week. I still think there are people that don't know and it will be fun to get their delayed reactions. At this point, the majority of our families and friends are aware of our bun in the oven. I feel good that people know and are curious about it all. Many questions from people about trying, the sex, where we're going to live etc. I am learning to become patient and deal with these repeat questions with a friendly smile on my face! Oh. The day after we got back, we had another doctor's appointment. This one was SO boring. We didn't get to see anything - but we DID hear the heartbeat - which was cool! I think I heard it last time, but it's always nice to have reconfirmation that things are still good! Our next appointment is at 18 weeks, and my next task is to make an appointment for the 20 week anatomy scan, which is some sort of detailed thing where they count fingers and toes and make sure all the organs are there. This happens at our delivery hospital, St.Luke's Roosevelt, so I am looking forward to scoping it all out!

CVS - done!

I'll be 12 weeks tomorrow! What a milestone - YAY!

OK...so yesterday was the big CVS test. I managed to get an appointment with one Dr. Wapner. My genetic counselor said he was the "guru" of CVS tests and she doubted I would even be able to get an appointment with him, but get an appointment I did.

So yesterday my hubby and I headed to Columbia Presbyterian East-side and arrived at their fancy offices. I filled out miles of paperwork again....oh, and an aside - why on earth isn't there a national healthcare database so I don't have to keep filling out all this junk! SO annoying. Anyway - the people there were all SO nice. I finished the paperwork and then a genetic counselor saw us, yes - again, but that is their protocol. It was good though, because my husband had been unable to come to the previous session I had with a counselor. That was fine, but she made me a little nervous by disagreeing with my doctor and the previous counselor about the jewish screenings. She thought I should be tested for the whole panel, which would mean they would take 4 tubes of blood, and we didn't want to do the CVS and take more blood on the same day since we know what happens to me when my blood is taken. Anyway - I think I'm going to call my doc on Monday to discuss having more blood taken and if it's necessary.

After the session, we were brought to a room and I was given 2 gowns to put on. Then a super nice lady came to bring us to the procedure room where she did an ultrasound on me. This was our first one, so it was super exciting, especially since hubby didn't get to see the baby squirming around last time. She was doing the ultrasound to determine a bunch of stuff I guess, but most importantly if they were going to do the test vaginally or through my stomach. Since my placenta is attached from the front, they determined I would have the needle through the stomach. I was actually hoping for that since it seemed less invasive than the catheter through the vag and then a needle through the catheter. That seems like trouble.

The doctor came in we got started. First, tons of bactine on my stomach. I mean a lot. Then he stuck the needle in, with the ultrasound guiding the whole thing. It went by quickly. I felt a pinch - well, a continual pinch and then some strangeness in my back/rectal area which they said would happen due to some nerve thing. I was squeezing my hubby's hand HARD the whole time, and it took about a minute and it was done. Then I got a shot of Rogam, which was apparently necessary since my blood type is RH- and that shot will ensure that if my baby's blood type is a positive one, that my blood won't fight it if things get at all mixed up during the test. I then got dressed, wiped the bactine off and went home! I rested the rest of the day and napped and my husband took care of me. They recommend resting for about 48 hours. No aeorobic activity, baths, sex, etc. I am well rested, and feeling 100%. No problems, spotting etc. I look forward to Tuesday when we will hopefully get our initial news...and ideally it will be good. We will have full results in about 2 weeks.